During his time as PM, Trudeau has given us many examples of his incompetence

Michael Taube: The Travails of Trudeau is nearing its final actWe’re inching closer to Christmas. Those of you who celebrate have trimmed the tree, put the wreath on the door, set up the lights, purchased food for family and guests, and are finishing (or nearly finished) wrapping presents. Among a million other things that need to be done.

Our house looks quite festive. I hope your home does, too!

Taking in a performance of Tchaikovsky’s The Nutcracker during the Christmas holidays is another treat. The two-act ballet, an adaptation of E.T.A. Hoffmann’s short story, The Nutcracker and the Mouse King (1816), follows the magical journey of Clara and Fritz Stahlbaum on Christmas Eve in Nuremberg, Germany. They meet and dance with a variety of toys, animals and magical beings like the Nutcracker Prince, tin soldiers, snowflakes, Mouse King and Sugar Plum Fairy.

Tchaikovsky’s score has stood the test of time. The Nutcracker Suite, which was performed nine months before the ballet opened, has become one of the most instantaneously recognizable pieces of classical music. Walt Disney’s Fantasia (1940) includes several selections from the Russian composer’s 20-minute masterpiece, too.

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It may surprise you to know that Canada has witnessed a classical ballet performance over the past eight years. Well, sort of. It’s been more of a clumsy two-step at times, with a lot of stumbling and falling in between. It’s certainly been a performance, if nothing else.

What’s the title? There doesn’t appear to be one. It’s still a work in progress. The party caucus … err, ballet company may be mulling over ideas and the like.

As it happens, I’ve come up with a possible title – The Travails of Trudeau. Fits the bill rather well, all things considered!

This performance is based on Prime Minister Justin Trudeau’s ineffective and mediocre leadership. His political career has been dangling by the barest of threads for years. He’s been involved in a litany of controversies and embarrassments that have been magically transformed into song and dance.

It’s part tragedy, part comedy – and fully annoying.

The first act deals with Trudeau’s small number of highs and truckload of lows being magically transformed into life. He confronts the Blackface Monster, whom he has seen three times before, no matter how he tried to hide from it. Tin soldiers march him to the imaginary dungeon where he faced two ethics violations – and his Liberal government faced five in total. He memorably surfs in Tofino with the Mouse King and gingerbread men, with members of the Indigenous Community looking on in frustration. He attempts to use his liberal feminist charms to woo female MPs and cabinet ministers, only for Jody Wilson-Raybould, Jane Philpott, Celina Caesar-Chavannes and others to dance away from him in displeasure.

There’s even a dance sequence at the Trudeau Home, much like The Nutcracker’s Stahlbaum Home, with his wife, Sophie. It’s a dramatic moment, as you might imagine. Alas, they separate after the final musical note has been played – and remain separated for the rest of the performance. Just like in real life.

The second act of the Travails of Trudeau isn’t quite the same as Tchaikovsky’s vision of The Land of Sweets. The Nutcracker Prince doesn’t dance with Clara. The Sugar Plum Fairy and her Cavalier are nowhere to be seen. A reindeer-drawn sleigh doesn’t appear in the distance, unless a late arrangement has been made with Santa Claus that’s not currently listed in the playbill.

No, this is more like the Land of Confusion. Complete with Britain’s Spitting Image puppets and the music of Phil Collins and Genesis in the background.

Chinese President Xi Jinping wants a second G20 dance with Trudeau, but the latter waltzes off the stage with the Election Interference Queen. Indian Prime Minister Narendra Modi is clearly furious at his Canadian counterpart and will be even angrier if he picks out another costume from the Tickle Trunk that appears out of nowhere. U.S. President Joe Biden and former President Donald Trump don’t care for one another, but they’re both tired of the Canadian PM’s antics. They combine efforts to dance him off into the background with the German folk tune Tchaikovsky used in his ballet: the Grossvatertanz (Grandfather Dance).

Then, out of nowhere, comes Trudeau’s left-wing political saviour, NDP leader Jagmeet Singh. They’re currently engaged in a years-long dance routine called the Socialist Swing, complete with drunken sailors throwing tax dollars into the audience. There are some wild gyrations with respect to policy proposals on napkins. Regular singing from the same songbook. Plenty of warnings to the PM that he must follow the agreed-upon rules – or else.

Is this the final act of The Travails of Trudeau? My sense is there could be one show-stopping scene still to come.

Young children with sugar plums dancing in their heads inviting the PM to come out and play in the Christmas snow? I don’t think so.

My guess is the Ghost of Pierre Trudeau will invite his son to partake in one last dance, The Walk in the Snow. There will be thunderous applause when the curtain finally comes down, and a sigh of relief when a new performance takes centre stage.

Michael Taube, a Troy Media syndicated columnist and Washington Times contributor, was a speechwriter for former Prime Minister Stephen Harper. He holds a master’s degree in comparative politics from the London School of Economics.

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